I hate to have done this but I eavesdropped. Believe me I didn’t want to because I knew somebody f bad was going to come. I out cotton swabs in my ears but I still heard your sharp words. Maybe I misunderstood maybe I didn’t but I want you to tell me as I don’t understand what I could have possibly done to put you so off me. The only thing I feel I did wrong is eavesdropping and for that I apologise. I just want to understand whether you dislike me as a person due to evolutionary circumstances or I’ve done something definitively wrong that you’re mad about. Either way, I don’t want this to carry on it makes me feel icky and I don’t think our friendship deserves that.

Clearly, there is something wrong and you are carrying some negative notion about me. I’d appreciate you telling me about it now as I don’t wish to continue to feel so clueless and hurtful. Please, don’t factor in the fact that we’re loving together next year as reason to filter it out because I’d rather you tell me everything and trust that despite whatever you say I’m mature enough to maintain a civilised and friendly relationship with you.

It was the sound of an email notification, a subtle reminder of the people in the world around her, that scared her as she lay in bed, staring into the darkness. The tear that had been lounging in her eye squirmed and fell down.
“I don’t like this,” she said. “I don’t want to be scared of sleeping again.”

Someday, somewhere, I’ll find peace. I won’t hurt, I won’t be scared but I will miss the lot of you.
I cannot let this be called friendship. I won’t taint what drives me.

It baffles me to see the misery around me

People want to know about how you feel. They want you to share but only pretend to care. When the words spill out of my mouth and the tears drip out, they stare into the emptiness that is me, say a few words, get up and leave. 

Never mention it again because “oh there is too much pain”. 

How do we get to this point of pure mental chaos? When everything makes sense but on second thought, doesn’t really. How is it that overtime I think something is good, it turns bad. And overtime I make myself feel like everything going to be alright, everything decides to fuck up. 
I think the people around me are good and that I love them but why do I have so many feelings of hurt and betrayal pulsing through my body? They’re all damaged, too. That’s okay. But that’s also the problem. 

I’m sick of all the bickering they throw around. I stay quiet, waiting for the brief moment of calm until it starts all over again.

I used to have words to speak, emotions to reap,
I would sit alone and wonder, gather

There is so much hurt I feel inside me.

He said he was depressed no more. He’d been happy. I will always be happy that you’re happy. But I can never forget that this period you say you’ve been happy, is the period you crushed me.

My insides are tight and gooey. I feel a flash of an unfathomable temperature around my chest. It’s not warmth, it’s not the cold. It’s weird. And I want it to go away. Please, just go away. Because with you gone, all my worries wander off too.